Monday, February 22, 2016

To my brother

Dear Jose,

I would like to start this letter by saying thank you.

I know that I came into your life and shook your world upside down, I know you were only a ¨baby¨, I know that a three year old should get a baby sister that was made to play with him, not to steal the attention of your parents from you so often that you felt lonely. I know that I cried when it should have been only from hunger or because I needed my nappies changed, not from the pain our mother was causing me from the Physio she had to do on me. I know that you didn´t understand- and shouldn´t have to- why our dad was always sad and our mom cried while she had to make decisions nobody else understood.
Dear brother sorry you had to become the man of the house at 5 years old, because our dad was too weak to deal with the life/family that was given to him. I now understand that sadness the overpowers your smile and hides deeply in your soul, I might be the only  one who can see it, and that maybe is because we share it, we have the same memories of you burning your hands with hot water, just at age 6, to calm my leg pains. You knew that that was the only way to calm them, so you, very quietly - so we didn´t wake mama up because she had a very long day and she needed to rest (those were your words)- boiled water and dunk a towel squeezed the boiling water off it and the covered my legs with them. It was hours of torture for you, but your love for me was bigger than the pain.
Yes, we have the same memories, of our mother struggling to have enough money to buy us all the toys we wanted because she had to pay for my treatments, so you used to hide my toys for long enough that I would have forgotten them and you gave them back to me as if they were new. I also remember the nights where I was so scared I would run to your room in the middle of the night and fall down half way there and you have to come out of bed to pick me up because I couldn´t get up by myself.
You often say that I´m the strongest person you know, what I haven´t told you before is that you are a huge part of that strength, every time we hear the word surgery from a doctor and I can see how your heart breaks for me, because when we were little once I told you I wanted to die because I couldn´t handle anymore painful surgeries, now I know they are just part of my life and deal with the fear secretly so you don´t have to worry more.
I know you went thru things kids should never go thru, and I´m sorry I was the one that brought that to your life, but let me tell you I´m so happy you were given to me as big brother, I always felt protected from everything because you were there. There was nothing that could hurt me because you were my protector. Nothing can hurt me still because you are here, always.

Thank you for being my angel on earth, the one that would give anything for me. And please know you are strong too, you can achieve anything you want to, please don´t let anything from those days get in the way of what you want today, those days are in the past and they can´t hurt us anymore. You are the kindest person I know, now use that, go and let your light, the light that has been shining for me all of this year, shine for the world.
You are strong enough to make the world yours.

Love you always...

1 comment:

  1. I've never really sat down and thought how my brother felt through all my surgeries and everything I had to go through and still go through. We are 10 months to the date a part I'm older but not by much so actually he did go through a lot of things that I went through thanks for the story I love it

    ReplyDelete